Some thoughts

I was supposed to meet my sis at library. I thought she meant the Esplanade one, since she was at Marina Square. So I went there and happened to be in time for those free performance at the atrium. Since she was going to take some time, I sat down to see the chinese orchestra perform. It wasn't too good considering the performers were students taking music as their course. When the dizi solo started, I was half laughing to myself how coincidental things can be. Years back, when I was merely thirteen and started getting involved in music, I was at the Chinese High auditorium watching MDC perform. The dizi soloist, who I found out to be one of the better students of my teacher-to-be-for-then, played the song 赶马. I was totally impressed and his performance became my motivation for the next few years. I told myself one day I was going to be a soloist like him, and likely, play the same piece. 2 years later, I did become a soloist, though I played a different piece. A more difficult one, I would say. But a few more years down the road, I've totally thrown away all my music skills. The poor flutes are sitting in a corner in the closet. One or two of them lent out to friends who I have stopped keeping in touch. I no longer attend any concerts or lessons. I don't even play anymore. Last night, when the soloist played the same piece I heard back then, I wondered if I ever had the skills to perform that piece. Was I better or worse than the guy up there? If I was better, why am I not still in the field? If I was worse, where did the motivation thing go to? Was last night's hearing of it mean to rekindle off the passion I had before? Should I try again to pick up the instrument?

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I was walking along Sheares bridge towards Esplanade. And memories drifted back. I recalled there was a time when a few of us were there late evening after school, just staring into the sea and enjoying the breeze. I recalled the times when I walked around the area ranging from on and under the bridge, before it was renovated to its current state. It can be painful sometimes to have a good memory, for you may remember things that you no longer wish to remember.

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That day when I met Rockie, I told him that it is the first love usually that you put in the most heart and soul. I think it's really true. Now and then when I recall the various flings I had, somehow I usually conclude that my first boyfriend treated me the best on overall. Of course there were those guys who were very sweet but that's usually for 1 or 2 dates. There were those who were very patient but had some other thing to net it off. There were those who treated you like a princess but there was nothing to start off. There were those who asked the wrong things at the wrong times. There were those who were there just for a short fling. Ha, don't mistake me as though there were a lot of flings. It's just a few. Ten fingers are sufficient for counting. But maybe the fact that I only had that one boyfriend made my conclusion biased.

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Quite a lot of performances are upcoming at the Esplanade. I had always wanted to watch such stuff - plays, dances, musicals particularly. From the Forbidden City to Singing in the Rain to Notre Dame, somehow I never attend the musicals. There were times when I founded kakis but the chance never proceeded further. With upcoming Phantom and Huayi Festival, I guess it'll be the same. There's always this wanting to watch but never end up watching. I guess I'm just too uptight with my money to buy the highly priced tickets. I did watch Hamlet with Joyce though. Hee..

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